Quotes

(updated 8/27/07)*

Throughout my years on this Earth, I've been exposed to many, many instances of interesting dialogue and manuscript. Recorded here are a few of my favorites. Most of them are just for laughs, some echo my own ideals in life, and some are just fun. I haven't bothered to place them in any order. I may update this quote file every once in a while, and I'll note the date of the update when I do (yeah, 'cause SO many people are going to be SO intrigued by this unoriginal compilation of random snippets). Enjoy.

* * *

"Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I weren’t COLORBLIND!"
-- Donkey (Shrek)

"Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’"
-- Peter Parker (Spider-Man)

"Do you know the best way to get rid of the voices in your head? Bash them real hard against a solid oak door."
-- Spider-Man (Spectacular Spider-Man #4)

"Never use hot wax to sooth enraged lobsters!"
-- Rolf (Ed, Edd, n Eddy)

"Whoops, there it goes . . . Yep. My brain stopped."
-- Ed (Ed, Edd, n Eddy)

"One time, I jumped off a tree fort, and it didn’t hurt. Then my foot hurt."
-- Joe B.

"He’s one of those people you never forget -- no matter how hard you try, you still get the reoccurring nightmares."
-- tlp_baps

"What a conveniently placed flying squirrel!"
-- tlp_baps

- i refuse to meet your expectations, but ill meat em.
- i just realized by not meeting your expectations, i am. so i will.
-- WeeZle

"He's his own sidekick. He's that good."
-- Matt C., regarding Samuel L. "Motherfucking" Jackson.

"NAN DESU FUCKING KA."
-- Matt C.

*
"We are out of used Dirt."
-- Sean S.

"We’re on a mission from God."
-- Elwood (The Blues Brothers)

"And that, ladies and gentlemen ... is how you take apart fifty Shadow-Bots in less than ten seconds! I caution you not to try this stunt at home."
-- Sonic (Sonic the Hedgehog #76)

"Kneecaps the Echidna?!"
-- Knuckles, upon meeting his new baby brother (Sonic the Hedgehog #140)

"Case closed! Bring in the dancin’ lobstahs!"
-- Judge Trudy (The Amanda Show)

"As I understand it, if the ancient Greeks had had television to watch and video games to play, we wouldn’t be stuck with all this stupid geometry."
-- a school student (Frank & Ernest)

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
-- extract from Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
-- extract from Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett

Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
-- extract from Men At Arms by Terry Pratchett

It is impossible to describe the joy of seeing trees that we planted only 8 years earlier being milled into tropical hardwood lumber, and then crafted into beautiful furniture and accessories.
-- Tropical American Tree Farms (tropicaltreefarms.com)

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals . . ."
-- K (Men in Black)

"When are people going to learn? Democracy doesn’t work!"
-- Homer (The Simpsons)

"Rock stars. Is there anything they don’t know?"
-- Homer (The Simpsons)

"Trying is the first step towards failure."
-- Homer (The Simpsons)

"Well, that’s the first case I’ve seen of a man suffering four simultaneous heart attacks!"
-- Dr. Hibbert (The Simpsons)

"Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Darn Scots . . ."
-- Willy the Groondskeeperr (The Simpsons)

"I’m the three things women want: I’m hot and I’m smart!"
-- Kelso (That 70’s Show)

"PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER . . . itty bitty living space."
-- The Genie (Aladdin)

"Oh, they trampled the Carpet! ...That’s a little redundant. So this isn’t a bad day for you, really, is it?"
-- The Genie (Aladdin and the King of Thieves)

Like a million faces
I've recognized them all
And one by one they've all become
A number as they fall
-- lyrics from What I'm Made Of (Sonic Heroes)

"I am GREAT TEACHER LARGO!!!! PH33R MY L33T T34CHING SKILLZ!"
-- Largo (Megatokyo)

"Video games are a conduit for the soul. They expand our lives, channel our imagination, test our skillz. Games exist as a channel for the boundless energy of people all over the world."
-- Largo (Megatokyo)

"Dude, those zombies are gonna start respawning in fifteen minutes. I wanna be good and drunk by then."
-- Largo (Megatokyo)

"You mean . . . you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword and we’ll try to kill each other like civilized people?"
-- the Man in Black (The Princess Bride)

"Life IS pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."
-- the Man in Black (The Princess Bride)

"I can role-play being drunk!"
-- Balmung (.hack//Legend of the Twilight #4)

"Somewhere bedclothes are in disarray. My tidy senses are tingling."
-- Gran (9 Chickweed Lane)

"A sword is a weapon. The art of swordsmanship is learning how to kill. That is the truth. What Miss Kaoru says is sweet and innocent talk that only those whose hands have never been stained with the blood of men can believe . . . But to tell you the truth, I much prefer Miss Kaoru’s sweet and innocent talk to the truth, indeed I do."
-- Kenshin Himura (Rurouni Kenshin)

"You can die at any time, but living takes true courage."
-- Kenshin Himura (Rurouni Kenshin)

"One time I stole red underwear from the department store. My mother wouldn’t buy them for me! She said they were Satan’s panties!"
-- Cheryl (Miss Congeniality)

We don’t like
What we don’t
Understand, in fact it scares us!
-- lyrics from The Mob Song (Disney’s Beauty and the Beast)

"When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married."
-- Benedick (Much Ado About Nothing)

"Wake up! Time to die."
-- Leon (Bladerunner)

"Pause button? What is this pause button of which you speak?"
-- Jeff (Doonesbury)

"Hey Mom, I saw a bunch of products on TV that I didn’t know existed but I desperately need!"
-- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

"Oh, and if he tries to suppress your freedom of religion . . . just spray him with a water bottle."
-- Hilda (Sabrina the Teenage Witch)

I don’t wanna die
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all
-- lyrics from Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)

"Just because you’re having a good day doesn’t mean you can take it out on me!"
-- Becker (Becker)

"... I’m going to kill you. And then I’m going to use my powers as a physician to bring you back to life. And then I’m going to kill you again."
-- Becker (Becker)

"Aw man, my nana was a ‘ho!"
-- Jake (Becker)

"It’s ironic, isn’t it? No sooner than I get the closet of my dreams, my husband comes out of it."
-- Lilith (Frasier)

"It isn't up to the painter to define the symbols. Otherwise it would be better if he wrote them out in so many words! The public who look at the picture must interpret the symbols as they understand them."
-- Pablo Piccaso

"We’re all just people, regardless of where we come from and who we worship."
-- Ryudo (Grandia II)

Walked out this morning
Won’t believe what I saw
A hundred million bottles
Washed up on the shore
-- lyrics from Message in a Bottle (The Police)

"In the first stage, man and sword become one and each other. Here, even a blade of grass can be used as a lethal weapon. In the next stage, the sword resides not in the hand, but in the heart. Even without a weapon, the warrior can slay his enemy from a hundred paces. But the ultimate ideal is when the sword disappears altogether. The warrior embraces all around him. The desire to kill no longer exists. Only peace remains."
-- Broken Sword’s ideal, as described by the king (Hero)

No black and white in the blue
Everything is clearer now
-- lyrics from Blue (Cowboy Bebop)

With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tainted glass
She is fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She’s touring the facilities and picking up the slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket
-- lyrics from Short Skirt, Long Jacket (Cake)

"Say I’m working at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, something no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I’m real happy with myself ‘cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the middle east and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding. 1500 people that I’ve never met and had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are saying, "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area," ‘cause they don’t give a shit. It won’t be their kid over there getting shot just like it wasn’t them when their number got called ‘cause they were all pulling a tour in the National Guard. It’ll be some kid from Southie over there taking shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find out that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from and the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job ‘cause he’ll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and of course the oil companies use the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little subsidiary benefit for them, but it ain’t helping my buddy at $2.50 a galleon. They’re taking their sweet time bringing the oil back of course; maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin’ play slay-em with the icebergs. It ain’t too long ‘til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy’s outta work, he can’t afford to drive, so he’s walking to the fuckin’ job interviews, which sucks ‘cause the shrapnel in his ass is giving him chronic hemorrhoids, and meanwhile he’s starving, ‘cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they’re servin’ is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker state ... I figure, fuck it, while I’m at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."
-- Will (Good Will Hunting)

"Nothing can happen until you swing the bat."
-- Haruko (FLCL)

"Mr. Kim, we’re Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job."
-- Captain Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)

"He’s calling the spirits of darkness. I saw him do this once before when a girl dumped him."
-- Markl (Howl’s Moving Castle)

"It’s not to ‘make things that people like.’ It’s never to ‘make things that people like.’ It’s only to make things that they love."
-- Joss Whedon

"nanimo fuan ja nai."
-- lyrics from Crazy Sunshine (the pillows)

"Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful, I think."
-- Derek (Zoolander)

"Kneel before Zod! ZOD!"
-- Zod (Superman II)

"Are we not kicking the shit out of these people? Their asses? Kicking the shit out of their asses?!"
-- Aaron Barrett

"Because the only prison is in our minds,
the only chains are our apathy."
-- lyrics from Will the Revolution Come? (Reel Big Fish)

"'Cause growing up is awfuller
than all the awful things that ever were!"
-- lyrics from I Won't Grow Up (Peter Pan)

"If I hadn't been very rich, I might have been a really great man."
-- Charles Foster Kane (Citizen Kane)