Truly have I submitted myself to the swirling vortex of doom when I have started a blog. Nothing is more pathetic than an online journal, created with the hope that the number of readers will grow into such a substantial vastness that the writer will feel as if he is worth something to society. 9 times out of 10, we know, this is not the case. In truth, a blog will not contain anything more of use to society than a reminder of how sickeningly consistent Americans' poor grasp of their basic language is. For the writer, a blog is nothing more than a galactic waste of time and energy, like 90% of the Internet's content in general.

And yet. And freakin' yet. A blog, like so many other aspects of the Internet -- message boards, webcomics, photo albums, and pr0n -- induces an irresistible attraction to it. Yes, I'm writing mindless, pointless drivel that will go unnoticed by everyone except my two to four friends. Yes, this is a substantial waste of time that could be spent on furthering my career, meeting interesting people, improving my talents, and increasing my knowledge of the world in general. Yes, blogging isn’t really much fun, nor is it much fun to read.

So why am I performing this irrelevant waste of time?

Because it gives me a raging erection.

Yes, blogging gives me inexplicable sexual pleasure. As I sit here typing with my left hand, my right hand is doing unmentionable things in my underlying regions. Blogging makes me hot.

Now that I’ve destroyed all hope of sanity, I’d like to make this first post complete by showcasing my previous blog (http://blog.myspace.com/senbei35) on myspace.com. I was hesitant towards creating a myspace account, partly because I was afraid that they could claim ownership of anything I posted, and partly because I’m a stuck-up, fun-loathing, old fart, but mostly because of the Brazilian ninja terrorists. For these reasons, I chose to move to my old friend Google’s blog site, thanks to the advice of one of my two to four friends.

For continuity reasons, I’m going to keep the myspace blog open, but I probably won’t be using it anymore. Here I feel like I don’t have to worry so much about copyright or the reproach of inappropriate conduct. (For the record, Asians are bad drivers, Irishmen drink a lot, and Hitler was the man.) Of course, that’ll probably change after my first lawsuit.