The Other Crowd Surfing

I hate slow moving crowds. I think this statement is self-explanatory. The interesting thing is that after spending three years in the crowded hallways of high school, I’ve come to develop techniques for moving through crowds. Foremost, you’ve always got to be watchful if you don’t want to smash into someone who stops too quickly or who comes around a corner. If you want to move quickly, it helps to keep your eyes open for gaps in the crowd and to stay in the middle of the hallway to avoid the kids digging through their lockers. Sometimes, the best thing to do if you’re moving “upstream” is to find what I like to call a shield -- that is, a person who’s moving in your direction who’s watching where he’s going -- and stick behind that person. That way, he has to worry about crashing into people instead of you.

But even with these tidbits of experience, moving through crowds is still frustrating and slow-going. I remember that as a child I sometimes ran directly through crowds, and because I was so small I could dash around their legs with no problem. And, being a cute little munchkin, I could get away with it. Nowadays, of course, I’m not exactly knee-height, but I can’t help but wish I could still try running through crowds, weaving and jostling through people at high speeds. It’d be wicked fun, I know it would. Sadly, such an activity could never be put into practice without pissing off a good number of crowd-goers, so unless I find myself being chased by the police or the FBI or the mob or one of those groups of people who like to chase other people, I don’t think I’ll ever have an excuse to try it.

So where does one turn when reality isn’t an option? Virtual reality, of course!

Here’s an idea for a video game: a footrace racer. I’d call the game, um, “Footracer” or, if I was feeling clever, “Sprinter Cell” or something like that. Obviously, I’m not thinking along the lines of a jogging sim or anything so mediocre. The image in my mind is of some guys running through a crowded mall, jostling people, leaping over “wet floor” signs, crashing through concession stands… like a Hollywood chase scene with the player controlling the runner. Thinking of all the mechanics that could be implemented, I’ve come up with some cool ideas for a control scheme. On a conventional current-gen controller, the analog stick could be used to accelerate/move forward, slow down/move backwards, and move left and right. Maybe one of the triggers could allow strafing, while another would control jumps. The right thumb buttons, (which I will refer to as A, being down, B, being right, X, being left, and Y, being up) could control dodging and would be used appropriately in different scenarios: if you’re running towards a small sign or rock, you could press Y to hurdle it; if you’re going to crash into a stack of boxes you could press B to dodge it; and if you were running towards an unwary bystander, you could press X or B to jostle him left or right, press Y to vault over him, or hit A to slide through his legs.

Further elements could be implemented, such as whether or not a bystander will resist to being jostled, the consequences of running into a slab of concrete as opposed to a stack of cardboard boxes, and the use of the environment for the setting of traps against other racers (like scattering marbles across the floor to trip up your opponents ala Home Alone-like antics). The condition of the racers themselves could be judged be by speed, weight, and acceleration, similar to conventional car racers, but have the added effects of reflexes (how quickly the dodge buttons respond) and size. If your character is a large fellow, for example, he wouldn’t be able to slide under bystander’s legs, but he’d have no trouble jostling bystanders. Tracks could incorporate anything from crowded hallways, to city streets, to countryside. Then you could throw in some extra gimmicks like rail grinding or hijacking bikes or scooters. Add a cool art direction, a fun, upbeat soundtrack, a number of different race modes, and a shitload of unlockable content and I think you’d have a cool, unique, and fun racing experience. Gee, I should be a video game developer, ‘cause I have awesome ideas that would totally be accepted by leading production companies and would totally sell hundreds of millions of copies of games! Hooray!

(By the way, I hate writing in potential future tense. It just doesn’t feel comfortable.)